The Misadventures of Eigar and Raziel
by Sinful Joker
Summary: Follow an arrogant Yuke and an air headed Calvat on their adventure to save their village. Warning: In later chapters Mog Abuse and all around stupidity.
1. Yukes Know Best

The Misadventures of Eigar and Raziel

Prologue: Yukes Know Best 

Once upon a time in a mystical village called , there was a caravan forming. Perhaps, to call it a caravan was a little overstated—it was just a Yuke and a Calvat setting out doing something that on the outside seemed noble. The Yuke, Eigar seemed intimidating to the Calvat, but nonetheless, they didn't fight in the village.

When they set out on the wagon, Eigar took the reins, even though Raziel thought he should lead. The two of them sat in the driver's bench and "discussed" it.

"Oh, come on, Eigar! Please, let me steer!" begged the alchemist's son. "I've never misled Ramsey."

"While that may be true, I'm older... So I should get to lead."

"What does that have to do with anything? You've never left the village!"

"Well... everyone knows Yukes have a better sense of direction."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just be quiet and sit in the back. I need to concentrate!"

Raziel sighed deeply. He jumped into the back of the wagon and muttered under his breath as he sat down. It was going to be a long year.

Several hours later, Raziel had fallen asleep in the back curled up next to a mog. The wagon came to a sudden stop. The Calvat boy, thinking there was a possible threat, grabbed his shield and sword and hopped out of the back. He looked around, startled, but found nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hey, Eigar, what gives?" he asked as he came around to the front of the wagon. "Where are we anyway?"

"You know... I don't know."

"You don't know?!" gasped the Calvat. "How could you not know Mr. High and Mighty Yuke?"

"I've never been outside of the village."

The mog flew out and looked around. "Kupo...? Where are we?"

"Ask the mighty navigator," Raziel snorted.

"Kupo... I don't like the sound of this."

"Admit it, Eigar."

"What?"

"You got us lost, Yukes don't always know best and you should have listened to me."

"We're not lost. I just don't know where we are."

"We have no bearing. We have no destination. We have no idea where we are! If that's not lost, then what is!?"

"..."

"Well...?"

"We're lost."

"GAAAAAHH!! Why did I ever agree to this?"

"Kupo, kupo. Because you love your mommy very much. Kupo."

"Gya!" gasped Raziel. His eyes went big and he took on the famous ack pose. The Yuke laughed at him. "Shut up! Both of you!" A blush from fury and embarassment burned his cheeks. "Just get us out of this situation, now, Mr. High and Mighty Navigator!"

"Hey, I may have gotten us hopelessly lost, but at least I'm not a moma's boy."

"Why you little...!"

Before either boy could take on a fighting stance, a caravan of four Yukes walked by. They looked at the two, and the leader said, "You seem to be lost."

"Kupo. Hopelessly," the mog interjected.

"If you would like, we seem to have received an extra map of this region. We could even take you to a place to get Miirth."

"Really?" Raziel's eye lit up with hope.

The Yuke nodded. He said, "Of course. We've collected a year's supply and were on our way home. We would gladly assist a struggling caravan."

"Just follow us," a female chimed in. "We'll escort you until you get to the river."

"Thank you very much," said Raziel with a bow.

"Okay. Everybody in the wagon!" Eigar instructed. Raziel hopped up to the bench next to his Yuke travel-mate. When Eigar stepped back on, his eyes seemed to speak of a smirk as he whispered, "Like I say, Yukes know best."

Raziel's eye twitched at the statement. It took every bit of will power in his body not to smite the "Godly Yuke."


	2. Razzie vs Lilties

Author's note: Thanks to the people that reviewed. I'm really sorry about not updating. Well, here's the new chapter, since I'm available again. Enjoy.

Chapter One: Razzie vs. the Lilties

The Yuke caravan had been kind enough to get the mismatched caravan from the town of on the right track. Before they got to the destination the Yukes had in mind, Eigar said he could take it from there. After they were out of sight and out of earshot (gods only knew how well they could hear), Raziel hopped off the wagon.

"You know what, Eigar?" he asked as he followed along the slow moving vehicle.

"What?" the Yuke inquired.

"I thought Yukes were a typically laid back people."

"We are."

"Then, why did I get stuck with the only Yuke who's possibly more arrogant than the Lilties?"

The wagon came to a sudden stop. Eigar shot Raziel a death glare; the Clavat boy only stared back.

"What did you just say?!" snapped the Yuke (or at least what Raziel thought was Eigar).

"You heard me," the Clavat replied. "You're 'more arrogant than the Lilties.'"

"Uh… Razzie—"

"Don't call me Razzie! My name is Raziel!"

"Raziel!"

"What?!"

Before Eigar could answer, the Clavat felt a sudden sharp pain in his shin. He bit back a yell as he looked down at the ground before him. There stood a group of four Lilties surrounding him. The one directly in front of him kicked him again.

"KYA!" he finally shouted. "What the hell was that for!?"

"You called us arrogant!" the female of the group growled. She was stading to Raziel's left. The Clavat's eye twtiched. Why was Lady Luck so against him? Did she want him to get himself killed?

"I meant the Lilties that came by our town last week," he fibbed.

"We just came from your town! I remember you were the incompetent alchemist's son!" shouted the one to Raziel's right. This really was not his day.

"I—!"

"Still you're tounge, fiend!" shouted the one in front of him. He pointed his spear to the Clavat boy's throat. Raziel parried the spear with his shield and kicked the small warrior; unfortunately, he didn't go very far.

"Don't tell me to still my tounge, you pretentious knave!"

"Ooh. Using big words, are we, Razzie?" asked Eigar.

"Shut up, prick!" yelled the Clavat boy as he turned to the Yuke. Suddenly the girl poked him in the bum with her spear. "Ack!" He jumped five feet into the air and landed on his knees rubbing his backside. He then turned to the girl, roaring, "You're gonna die!" He grabbed the spear out of her hand and smashed it in the center against his knee. His lip quivered as he took his knees into his hand and hopped around on one foot—that had REALLY hurt!

Eigar sighed at the sight of his partner dancing around like some simpleton. That had been a rather half-witted idea of Razzie, of course it was probably a good story to tell the Selkie girl Sakura when they got home or maybe the Liltie boy Anih would appreciate it even more.

After a long and embarassing battle (on Raziel's part) the Lilties were all finally disarmed or unconscious. Eigar had to drag a barely conscious Raziel to the wagon and throw him in. He climbed in and pulled some spring water out of a trunk where they carried all of their supplies; then, he poured it over Raziel's head. The Clavat boy spat out the water that managed to get into his mouth as he sat up and dried his face.

"That was rude…" he muttered wearily.

"Shut up!" snapped Eigar. He pitched an apple to the Clavat."Eat this. It will make you feel better."

"Geez, thanks Mr. Moody."

There were no more words exchanged. Eigar just went back to the front and sat at the driver's bench. The mog cuddled up to Raziel and fell asleep in his lap. The Clavat laughed and thought, _"At least someone on this trip likes me…"_


End file.
